Rattled
I've been really overwhelmed lately with a new phase Will has entered into. He is a sweet boy and we have endearing moments, but he's been so defiant lately. I literally say no all day long (which in turn is a word he says all day long - which a friend pointed out earlier today) and he doesn't respond to discipline. It feels like he deliberately disobeys and then looks at me waiting for the response. It's been wearing. We've also had a great increase in whining (might as well run fingernails down a chalkboard to me!) tempered with some snatching, grabbing, hitting and shoving. Lovely.
I'm not going to lie, I've been questioning my parenting abilities lately and crying often. Please don't think I'm a passive parent. I'm not. I discipline, I follow through and I'm consistent. Yet, he just doesn't seem to care. It's hard to complain about it because some times he's the funniest, most delightful little guy. No one wants to talk bad about their child and effect others opinions of him. However, his hard headed strong WILL is really flourishing lately.
It's like the 2's have come early. Why isn't their a manual for how to handle all these phases of my child's growth. Clearly, the last several days have been a real struggle and I'm overwhelmed. It's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase. BUT, I'm responsible to shape this 18 month old little boy into a man. I'm responsible to take this strong will and hard headed persistence and mold it into someone who is honorable, strong, caring, kind, has integrity, etc. That's a lot of pressure.
How do you know what to do? How do you know what's too much and when it's not enough? How do you get this little personality to respond? How do I teach him a sense of right, wrong and how to handle his feelings? How do I keep him from paths that are self destructive and harmful?
I'm frazzled because on top of the newest adventures in defiance we had a harrowing experience at our local Chickfila play place today. I never go there at lunchtime because it's insane but it was the only time that worked out for the friends we were meeting. By the time we played after we ate it was downright chaotic. As most of you know, Will is a big kid who's been in the 95-98% since birth for height. He is as big as some 3 year olds and tries to play with them and the older kids more than the ones his age. Problem is that he's not 3 years old, he's 18 months. It can get a little rough and sometimes I have to let him learn to push back a little and fight for himself. It can stress my maternal heart almost to a flatline and it breaks a little along the way. How do I know when to intervene or when to not so he toughens up?
I try to be consistent in correcting him when he snatches a toy from someone, kick/push a kid away from something he wants to be playing with when the other child was there first, etc. I try to develop an awareness that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it and there are turns and a time for everything. I get that he doesn't get that, this is normal, yet but we work on it. However, I sat there today and watched kids do all the things to him that I correct him from doing. How do I tell him no, when other parents watch as their children do the same? How as a parent do you not grab little bullies by the scruff of their necks and give them a little talking to?
The climax, we left shortly afterwords because I was done, was when I looked up and this same little kid who had been pushing him around earlier had blocked his way out of the slide and had his little, slimey hands around Will's throat. Not exaggerating. Will was panicked, crying and looking for me b/c the kid wouldn't let go and wouldn't move. I don't know if he's squeezing or not but who cares, it doesn't matter.
Okay, so my blood pressure just rose again typing that out. Primal. Enraged. Maternal Instinct. Look out. It took every ounce of restraint I had as I leapt to the slide and grabbed the arm of the child to get him to let go not to sling him against the wall. The best part, when I pulled his bratty arm away he jerked it back and looked up at me all perturbed. That's when I leaned in his ear and told him to let go and get down. As you can imagine, he did just that. This was about two hours ago and my heart is still racing from the adrenaline rush. For what it is worth by the time I got to my truck I was crying. How in the world does a 3 or 4 year old learn to do something like that and think it's okay??? That alone is sad.
I bet you want to know what happened next. The friend of mine who was sitting next to me saw it happen to and while I was rushing to Will and brought him back with me she had alerted the whole room it had happened and was asking who's parent this child was. Okay, part of me was relieved that she did it because I was outraged. I also think I was still in shock. The other part of me was sad for whichever Mom was sitting there being confronted in front of everyone. I was embarrassed for her. No mom wants it to be her kid that's acting out and behaving poorly. Saddest thing yet? She didn't really seem surprised AND she didn't go and grab his little arm and make him come apologize promptly removing him from play time. She just kind of laughed it off and the kid kept playing. WHAT IN THE WORLD?
So, Will is fine and had forgotten the whole thing in the amount of time it took me to distract him. He didn't go far from me after that though which really ticks me off. He loves playing in the play places and he loves playing with other kids.
I feel like I'm not a relaxed enough parent sometimes, other times I do alright, but after today I don't know how I ever could be. I don't think I'm prepared for this new place we're arriving at and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Heaven help me. It was so much easier when they were sweet, little and immobile or barely mobile babies. It feels like it's changed so much. I didn't know I could hurt so deeply because every pain he feels is magnified in me.
Alright, this was super long and if you are still reading then kudos to you. I needed to write it out and vent or there was a good chance I was going to overdose on chocolate. I'm also sharing some of my struggles in case there is someone else out there that is experiencing or has experienced the same thing so you can know you're not alone and you're not a failure. Every day's a new day. Let's keep praying, keep trying and not give up. No one said this would be easy, but I had no idea it would be this hard. Ahh the joys of being a Mommy.
Until next time...
I'm not going to lie, I've been questioning my parenting abilities lately and crying often. Please don't think I'm a passive parent. I'm not. I discipline, I follow through and I'm consistent. Yet, he just doesn't seem to care. It's hard to complain about it because some times he's the funniest, most delightful little guy. No one wants to talk bad about their child and effect others opinions of him. However, his hard headed strong WILL is really flourishing lately.
It's like the 2's have come early. Why isn't their a manual for how to handle all these phases of my child's growth. Clearly, the last several days have been a real struggle and I'm overwhelmed. It's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase. BUT, I'm responsible to shape this 18 month old little boy into a man. I'm responsible to take this strong will and hard headed persistence and mold it into someone who is honorable, strong, caring, kind, has integrity, etc. That's a lot of pressure.
How do you know what to do? How do you know what's too much and when it's not enough? How do you get this little personality to respond? How do I teach him a sense of right, wrong and how to handle his feelings? How do I keep him from paths that are self destructive and harmful?
I'm frazzled because on top of the newest adventures in defiance we had a harrowing experience at our local Chickfila play place today. I never go there at lunchtime because it's insane but it was the only time that worked out for the friends we were meeting. By the time we played after we ate it was downright chaotic. As most of you know, Will is a big kid who's been in the 95-98% since birth for height. He is as big as some 3 year olds and tries to play with them and the older kids more than the ones his age. Problem is that he's not 3 years old, he's 18 months. It can get a little rough and sometimes I have to let him learn to push back a little and fight for himself. It can stress my maternal heart almost to a flatline and it breaks a little along the way. How do I know when to intervene or when to not so he toughens up?
I try to be consistent in correcting him when he snatches a toy from someone, kick/push a kid away from something he wants to be playing with when the other child was there first, etc. I try to develop an awareness that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it and there are turns and a time for everything. I get that he doesn't get that, this is normal, yet but we work on it. However, I sat there today and watched kids do all the things to him that I correct him from doing. How do I tell him no, when other parents watch as their children do the same? How as a parent do you not grab little bullies by the scruff of their necks and give them a little talking to?
The climax, we left shortly afterwords because I was done, was when I looked up and this same little kid who had been pushing him around earlier had blocked his way out of the slide and had his little, slimey hands around Will's throat. Not exaggerating. Will was panicked, crying and looking for me b/c the kid wouldn't let go and wouldn't move. I don't know if he's squeezing or not but who cares, it doesn't matter.
Okay, so my blood pressure just rose again typing that out. Primal. Enraged. Maternal Instinct. Look out. It took every ounce of restraint I had as I leapt to the slide and grabbed the arm of the child to get him to let go not to sling him against the wall. The best part, when I pulled his bratty arm away he jerked it back and looked up at me all perturbed. That's when I leaned in his ear and told him to let go and get down. As you can imagine, he did just that. This was about two hours ago and my heart is still racing from the adrenaline rush. For what it is worth by the time I got to my truck I was crying. How in the world does a 3 or 4 year old learn to do something like that and think it's okay??? That alone is sad.
I bet you want to know what happened next. The friend of mine who was sitting next to me saw it happen to and while I was rushing to Will and brought him back with me she had alerted the whole room it had happened and was asking who's parent this child was. Okay, part of me was relieved that she did it because I was outraged. I also think I was still in shock. The other part of me was sad for whichever Mom was sitting there being confronted in front of everyone. I was embarrassed for her. No mom wants it to be her kid that's acting out and behaving poorly. Saddest thing yet? She didn't really seem surprised AND she didn't go and grab his little arm and make him come apologize promptly removing him from play time. She just kind of laughed it off and the kid kept playing. WHAT IN THE WORLD?
So, Will is fine and had forgotten the whole thing in the amount of time it took me to distract him. He didn't go far from me after that though which really ticks me off. He loves playing in the play places and he loves playing with other kids.
I feel like I'm not a relaxed enough parent sometimes, other times I do alright, but after today I don't know how I ever could be. I don't think I'm prepared for this new place we're arriving at and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Heaven help me. It was so much easier when they were sweet, little and immobile or barely mobile babies. It feels like it's changed so much. I didn't know I could hurt so deeply because every pain he feels is magnified in me.
Alright, this was super long and if you are still reading then kudos to you. I needed to write it out and vent or there was a good chance I was going to overdose on chocolate. I'm also sharing some of my struggles in case there is someone else out there that is experiencing or has experienced the same thing so you can know you're not alone and you're not a failure. Every day's a new day. Let's keep praying, keep trying and not give up. No one said this would be easy, but I had no idea it would be this hard. Ahh the joys of being a Mommy.
Until next time...
Comments
I read to the end and I shake my head going, "Lord how can I help her, how can I explain to her all I have learned." I am still learning by the way. I have been at this for only five years and in that time I have left gorging myself on tears and chocolate more times then I would like to admit. It has been hard but there have been so many delightful moments as well. If I am honest I will tell you that Katherine is me and I am she. We are even born on the same day. Isn't that fitting of the Lord ;) She has truly been the death of my flesh but has brought more fulfillment to my soul to know I am not the only one like me in the world. She has been the sweet presence in my life that the Lord has used to show me how much he has delighted in me and made me who I am. Which as you know He is still working on. She is passionate strong, defiant, loving, and ready to stand her ground if anyone says anything to her, her brothers, or her friends. These same friends that she has man-handled to the ground a time or two.
We have prayed more, cried more and had to really take a hard look at how much we trust our God!!
I would love to chat but I am sure you have friends around you that are supporting you. You are not alone!!! I am so proud of you for writing it out and making yourself vulnerable to all of your readers. It says you are not perfect, you don't have it all together, but you wouldn't trade your job for the world and I LOVE that.
Love you Sister,
Charlotte
Just know you're not alone at all! Giving birth earns you the title 'mom'...but it's growing through these developmental stages (both yours and Wills) that truly gives you a taste of motherhood.
This is when I always am humbled at God's grace in my life as I think about how much I must frustrate Him, embarrass Him, disappoint Him etc...yet He loves me unconditionally.
Your highs will get higer and unfortunately the lows will be lower. Hang in there...you're doing a great job. Brad's motto is "do your best, let God take care of the rest." It's really true, keep parenting as you feel led but more importantly keep praying.
- Co-owner of the Will Training Academy.