Alive

Alive. This is the word the came to my mind yesterday when I realized I no longer feel like I'm drowning. I'm not gasping for air or swimming against a current that seems dead set on forcing my head below the waters of sanity, reasoning and peace. I'm alive. I finally, most of the time, sleep at least six hours at night. My sweet kiddos are in a great routine that gives me the time I need for one on one time with both of them and then time to myself due to everyone's current sleep and nap schedules. We are growing into a great place as a family, even if we're still maneuvering through the terrible twos with our strong willed and loving little boy.

For the last few months, we have been on survival mode. Being enormously pregnant, then bringing our precious girl home, entering back into the world of having a newborn in addition to an energetic, non stop two year old adjusting to said precious newborn was probably one of the largest hurdles I've had to jump as a woman, as a wife and as a mom. I'm now onto the next hurdle and phase of this journey.

On the fourth of January, Laura turned 3 months and Will turned 29 months. Laura has gone from having a bottle every three hours to every four during the day. She no longer sleeps on the EASY plan, but has a predictable three naps a day schedule. She did this herself but I welcome it and remember when Will made this change as well. It is life changing. It does keep us home more for her naps, but it gives me a few hours in the morning while she sleeps in her bassinet upstairs for Will and I to have play time together giving him my undivided attention. He and I both need this and have missed it. Laura is an earlier riser than Will at the moment so I get lots of giggles and smiles from her in the morning before he wakes up giving us undivided time together as well. I was in such a desperate place to make sure I had quality time with each of them every day rather than feeling like a frenzied ping pong ball bouncing back and forth. I'm so grateful, even if it's just for a brief time, that we have this time.

Also, both kids take their afternoon naps at the same time which means I have about 1.5 hours in the afternoon, yesterday I got TWO HOURS, to myself. This is day three of this happening and I almost don't know what to do with myself. But I'll tell you this, as I sit here sipping my coffee and typing away I tell you it's life changing.

My kids lives are evolving too. They are slowly starting to engage each other. Laura is such a happy baby offering smiles and baby babble to anyone who looks her way. Her big brother loves to make her smile and I think feels it's a game of sorts. He only started doing this the last few days now that we're back home from our Georgia/Alabama marathon. It makes my Mama's heart do flips seeing them enjoy each other.

Yesterday Will insisted on holding Laura. "Mama, I hold baby Lawa. My turn." Until this point, I have hesitated at this request because they are both so young, her so fragile and he such a bull in a china shop. But, I feel they're older now, even if only by three months, and I want them to begin bonding on their own. So, I let him.

It was PRECIOUS. It brought tears to my eyes. He was very serious about holding his baby Lawa so gently. After I put her in his lap, he told me to go to the kitchen. I declined, but he was very serious about it being his turn. He sat and held her while he watched Mickey Mouse on the TV until she got too squirmy for him to handle. Laura adores him. She watches his every move and when she hears him she looks to find him. He makes her laugh and smile when he doesn't even realize it or care. He wants her to get on the floor and play with him which consists of me sitting her on the floor and holding her there beside him while he plays. Ha! It's hard to say no when clearly they are both enjoying it.

There were days in the last three months that I didn't know if I would get to the next one. I love my kids endlessly and can't imagine my life without either of them, but going from one to two children has been tough. Let me tell you - there have been days!!! But, God is so good and faithful. He is carrying us through and we are already seeing the benefit of His kindness. The one thing I've learned about being a Mom is that as soon as you feel like you get it figured out things change. I anticipate what's coming next as we continue to endure the terrible twos, when teething strikes, sick bugs hit or we embark on this huge, exciting though stressful life changing move to the South next month but for now today, I no longer feel like a dead man walking, but rather, I feel alive.