Something New

 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." 

-Isaiah 43:18-19

New Year 2022.  I would say the blur of spring 2020 until about midnight 2021 has felt like walking through a wilderness and by streams in the wasteland.  The last year was full of sweet, cherished highs but it also had some deep lows that threatened to steal all my joy.  We clung to hope as we waited, watched and pushed through the hard of living through a pandemic and just the reality of living as sinners with sinners.  We prayed for specific miracles and thank the Lord get to watch His grace and mercy unfolding in loved ones and our own family.  We have felt the sting of betrayal and cruelty from some and the outstretched welcoming arms of others.  Isn't that just life though.

God's been whispering gently, yet persistently to me to start writing again.  It's been a really long while.  I shrugged Him off repeatedly because what do I really have to say or feel that hasn't already been said or felt a million times.  I have zero desire to be a "cultural influencer."  That term alone makes me roll my eyes.  However, He loving reminded me that this isn't about anyone who might find and read these words one day but rather it is for me.  The gift of getting the thoughts of my heart to page as a way to process, serve and lean in to Him when I would rather hide and isolate in my loud head.  So, here we are.  Almost ten years since I've actively put pen, er typed keys, to paper.  Ten years full of life's hurts, changes and lessons.  No one may ever read these entries and that's okay, maybe best(Ha!).  These ramblings are from my heart to God's ears and I pray His will be done in it.

New Year.  Again.  What does that even mean?  For me, it's a re-focusing of the lens.  I get so lost sometimes in the striving, chauffeuring, schooling, trying, wishing I was sleeping, day to day.  The pressure and responsibility of raising, parenting and schooling our kids, the gift yet responsibility of being a good wife and partner to N, the responsibility of our home both it's cleanliness (or lack thereof) and heartbeat, the gift of being a daughter, sister, friend and the time required to maintain health in those relationships.  The responsibility of serving those around me that He's called me to love, disciple and lean into.  All the things, really.  All the plates we spin in the air and try so hard not to drop.  

How do we re-focus our lens.  For starters, let's just breathe.  Then we do what it says in Isaiah, we forget the former things and do not dwell on the past and we focus our hearts and minds on what is springing up ahead of us.  So, breathe and then be intentional about the days to come.  If I live without intentionality and planned purpose, I'm really just spinning those plates and get lost in them.  Not living.  Living through a never ending to-do list, not in relationship with others.  In turn, wasting this precious, fleeting gift of time.

The lens.  My lens.  It gets distracted and has to be re-calibrated.  My focus needs to be re-placed directly on Him.  I need to let Him write my story and not the control I attempt to have in it.  I typically choose a word or a couple words to meditate on and be the theme of my year.  This year? I'm still praying and listening to what he has for me but it sounds like health, self-care and identity right now.  The first two are pretty obvious, but identity is a new one.  Who am I.  Not all the responsibilities I listed a few paragraphs up but who am I and most importantly who does God say that I am.  Do I believe Him?  Do I live my life like I do or am I ensnared with the striving?  I'm not sure.  I'm going to pray about it and see what He has to say over me and to me.  One can't keep pouring out, if there isn't a steady inflow.  I think it's time to get out of His way and hopefully re-touch the heart of my Abba in more than word and deed but in the very oxygen I breathe and marrow in these tired bones.

Happy 2022.  I pray we all live with intention, hope, peace, health and a large dose of joy.  May we walk worthy and with His purpose in mind.  May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing and acceptable to Him. (Psalm 19:14)

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:14-21

Joy & Peace,

Ali