When God Says No
How many times in my life have I prayed for direction and asked for writing on a wall for clarity only to get silence in return? In those moments, all I've wanted is for Him to speak directly to me guiding me one way or the other. When He remains quiet, I've taken a leap of faith by making the best decision I could and hoped for the favor to follow. I think I grew comfortable in that because at the end of the day it was my decision and something I could control.
Recently I've been praying for something, in all honesty, I didn't even pray about it that much. I counted it as a "yes" because it made such sense. Why wouldn't He want this good thing for me and for us? A few days ago God shut the door. He didn't even leave a window open. Ouch! It's taken some tears and prayer to see it as a providential "no" as opposed to God trying to withhold something good from us.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that while God has blessed us in Virginia we truly long to raise our family in GA closer to our extended family. Nate loves his job and for now God has called us here, but the desire to be closer to family is always there. We were approached recently with an opportunity that would not only make Nate happy but that also could possibly have shortened our time here by a couple years. I assumed this must be God's will since it was my own. Wrong. It was what I wanted, but I never stopped to ask God if it was what He wanted.
This "no" has hurt people that I love and that makes my protective and defensive feathers ruffle. "God, why would you hurt them like that? It is so not deserved." "Why would you not give us this good thing when we've been obedient?" If I had a quarter for every time I've questioned God like I'm the prosecutor and He's the defendant, I'm ashamed at the chunk of change there would be. Forgive me Lord for my pride.
I've been going round and round with my Abba about my disappointment. In my weakness, I was not able to look at this situation with God's perspective. Instead I've been acting like a belligerent child. Lord, forgive my weakness. Will and I went for a walk this morning and while he giggled at all his little eyes took in, my eyes were full and my pride broken as God and I continued working through this lesson. I am reminded that His ways are not my ways and He has His perfect plan for us. If He doesn't want this option for us then there is something else even better ahead. God's idea of better and my own are possibly different but His better is always best. The journey to that destination is just that, part of the journey.
I've walked with Him long enough to know that I would rather be in His will then my own. I don't know why He's told us no but I do know that He is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, and that His grace is sufficient for me now just like it has always been. Maybe my prayer needs to change. Instead of praying for the strength to endure until we get to move, I need to praying for the strength to stay just like Paul did in Scripture when God called him to something.
Remembering surrender and trusting even when I don't understand are all familiar characteristics that in my battle with self sufficiency I had cast aside. However, I remember now, I submit everything, I trust steadfast, I surrender all and I see clearly again. This lesson for me has truly been about when God says "no" and how my faith is going to respond to the discipline. I do have hope, because this is not my first time wading through this lesson, that years from now when I finally learn the why, be it here or in Heaven, it will be another gift of God's faithfulness to me.
Recently I've been praying for something, in all honesty, I didn't even pray about it that much. I counted it as a "yes" because it made such sense. Why wouldn't He want this good thing for me and for us? A few days ago God shut the door. He didn't even leave a window open. Ouch! It's taken some tears and prayer to see it as a providential "no" as opposed to God trying to withhold something good from us.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that while God has blessed us in Virginia we truly long to raise our family in GA closer to our extended family. Nate loves his job and for now God has called us here, but the desire to be closer to family is always there. We were approached recently with an opportunity that would not only make Nate happy but that also could possibly have shortened our time here by a couple years. I assumed this must be God's will since it was my own. Wrong. It was what I wanted, but I never stopped to ask God if it was what He wanted.
This "no" has hurt people that I love and that makes my protective and defensive feathers ruffle. "God, why would you hurt them like that? It is so not deserved." "Why would you not give us this good thing when we've been obedient?" If I had a quarter for every time I've questioned God like I'm the prosecutor and He's the defendant, I'm ashamed at the chunk of change there would be. Forgive me Lord for my pride.
I've been going round and round with my Abba about my disappointment. In my weakness, I was not able to look at this situation with God's perspective. Instead I've been acting like a belligerent child. Lord, forgive my weakness. Will and I went for a walk this morning and while he giggled at all his little eyes took in, my eyes were full and my pride broken as God and I continued working through this lesson. I am reminded that His ways are not my ways and He has His perfect plan for us. If He doesn't want this option for us then there is something else even better ahead. God's idea of better and my own are possibly different but His better is always best. The journey to that destination is just that, part of the journey.
I've walked with Him long enough to know that I would rather be in His will then my own. I don't know why He's told us no but I do know that He is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, and that His grace is sufficient for me now just like it has always been. Maybe my prayer needs to change. Instead of praying for the strength to endure until we get to move, I need to praying for the strength to stay just like Paul did in Scripture when God called him to something.
Remembering surrender and trusting even when I don't understand are all familiar characteristics that in my battle with self sufficiency I had cast aside. However, I remember now, I submit everything, I trust steadfast, I surrender all and I see clearly again. This lesson for me has truly been about when God says "no" and how my faith is going to respond to the discipline. I do have hope, because this is not my first time wading through this lesson, that years from now when I finally learn the why, be it here or in Heaven, it will be another gift of God's faithfulness to me.
Comments